My Sweet Sadie Mae

Sadie Mae

I am going to apologize in advance for my ADD attempt to put into words what I am feeling...

I guess every pet owner knows that the day will come when they have to say goodbye to their beloved pet. I, like many doggie lovers, could easily cry just thinking about that day...I could work myself into hysterics over the mere thought of having to say goodbye. Unfortunately, all those years of 'oh my gosh, how will I ever be able to do that' became a reality Thursday as I said goodbye to my sweet Sadie Mae.

Sadie's life with us started during one of Jamie's trips with football. I was all alone, looking through the newspaper when I saw an ad looking for a home for her. She had been a rescue...found starving & neglected in the slums of New Jersey but the rescuer realized that she was a Neapolitan Mastiff...a 3000 dollar dog that for whatever reason was now on the streets. She was rescued & her owner moved to Summerville but realized she didn't have the time or funds to pay for her medication. I went to 'meet' her while my husband was away :) and I fell in love with her instantly. The owners came to our house to check us out as well and the rest was history.

When we first got her, she came upstairs while I was taking a bath...I jokingly said, "come on girl" and before I knew it, I was sharing the tub with a 170 lb mastiff. Who knew??? She loved car rides, baths, trying to eat other animals lol...all kinds of things we just didn't know. She was a ton of fun but she was also a pain in the behind at times...she liked to get into garbage, hated her nails getting cut, she liked to drink out of the toilet, she liked to eat socks, underwear, dish towels...basically anything cloth she could swallow...she threw it up a lot which was also a pain to deal with...as was her quirky thing where she would bring you cloth as like a peace offering when you walked in the house. She was on pee pee meds because well...that is just what happens sometimes :) She was your typical old woman & to be honest with you, i like old women...I like their honesty & even their foul attitudes. Sadie kept us on our toes :)

Jamie hasn't let me forget that Sadie was 'my' decision. Having 2 huge dogs isn't exactly an easy thing...they eat a lot, shed a lot, drool a lot, poop a lot, and honestly, at times I have said they require more than my 2 young children...nevertheless...I love my dogs.

Sadie was my mushy girl. I loved her rolls, her desire to just lay ON you, and I honestly liked equaling out the 2 male to 1 female ratio in the home. I bought her girly collars, painted her nails hot pink...she was my girl before I had kiddos & as much of a pain as she could be, the house feels very empty without having a 3rd girl in the house...we are outnumbered now.

When we finally got pregnant with Thomas, I remember being extremely worried about how Sadie, not Rupert, would do with a baby in the house. It was honestly amazing, Sadie was the one that would go into the baby's room and lay down by his bed while he slept. She never ceased to amaze me. She did have her moments of grouchiness towards them and I often was worried we'd get sued because of her so we kept her on a tight leash :)

Yes, we had 6 good years with my girl. Last year, she tore her ACL...we struggled to figure out the right thing to do...I sobbed for about 12 hours straight with the thought of having to put her down...SOBBED! For a ton of reasons, we opted not to do surgery (her age, her breed, her grouchiness, her size, the cost, her past medical issues) & she actually did great not having surgery...she never appeared to be in pain nor did it seem to slow her down.

But about 2 weeks ago, she started throwing up. I tried everything in my power to help her...everything. I prayed, I forced fed her, I continuously offered her foods, we went to the vet 5 times in 10 days, we tried different medications...nothing helped. We just couldn't figure out what was wrong with her nor could we get her to bounce back.

Thursday was the day where I knew we would have to make a decision one way or another-if the antibiotics were going to work, Thursday would be the turning point...but in my heart of hearts, I feel like Sadie knew I could not do it...she knew I would second guess my decision if I had to be the one to make the call. So on Thursday, I sat with her in our kitchen and watched her slowly slip away...it sucked. My husband was at work, I sent the kids upstairs (my mom came and picked them up...thank you mom!), I talked to the vet trying to figure out what I could do to help her. I couldn't take her into the vet because honestly, she was too big for me to pick up so I made the decision to woman up and be there for her-I knew she was dying...it sucked. I don't wish that on anyone.

Anyone that has lost a pet, knows what I am talking about...its like getting hit in the stomach and honestly there is just no other way to say it. I know this is the best thing for her...she didn't give up until the very end. The vet said her breed is extremely stubborn & even though she was dying, she still fought by drinking, getting up as much as her body would allow....I just wanted to take it all away for her. They said they rarely see Mastiffs her age without major issues & that they are prone to cancer. We suspect cancer but that was never confirmed....at this point, it doesn't matter.

I never thought I could be strong enough to be by her side...I am an overly emotional person anyway so I knew, I would possibly go crazy...but I didn't. I did a great job...I didn't have another option...I had to be there for her. I honeslty believe it was because I had so many people praying for me that I was able to handle it. Don't get me wrong...I was over the top in true Lee fashion. I sobbed, I prayed, I screamed, I yelled, and just to be honest, I jumped up and down out of anger & frustration & sadness for her.

So I just thought I would write a little about my big mushy pup, Sadie Mae. The past few days have been difficult. I keep thinking she is in the other room, I actually called for her this morning when she didn't come out of the garage. Thomas has been handling it quite oddly (laughing, making jokes, wanting a new dog, wanting to know what we did with her body) while Ellison has been my more emotional one. She keeps looking for her & wanted to know if Rapunzel could go up to heaven so Sadie could slide down her hair to come visit us :)

Heaven & death are hard concepts. Both kids saw Sadie on the kitchen floor-I gave them the option to say goodbye before she went to heaven. I wanted them to see that there wasn't anything 'scary' going on...i just said she went to sleep & that she was ready to go to heaven. I explained that that is just her body but her personality, the real Sadie is running in heaven with all the other doggies. I think I did the right thing for them...not sure. It felt like it at the time.

I am going to get her ashes tomorrow. A tough thing about having a big dogs is what in the world to do with them. There weren't any good options. My neighbor actually said he thought I we were moving a body out & then he realized what was happening...Mastiffs are big dogs. Anyway, what to do? I am scared of graves & I knew it would freak me out to no end knowing she was in my backyard....I don't like the idea of cremation...I didn't like any options so I finally decided to get her ashes & possibly bury them...I still am not sure what in the world to do but hopefully that will come.

Who knew that losing a pet would be this emotionally draining? Thanks for all the prayers & thanks to everyone for understanding or at least tolarating my meltdowns :) I have some amazing people in my life and I love you all!